(NSFW) The Tales of Infinite Mischief Ep. 1

      There was a thunderous crash as a drop pod tore through the roof of a manufactorum and came to a screeching halt on the seventy third floor. The guardsmen Jax and Wolfe Arkana, Tybalt Arl the Psyker from a Feral World, and
Garvel Ramirez the Assassin were shaken out a drug induced sleep by the impact

of the drop pod slamming into the ferrocrete floor. Jax Arkana cleared his

throat "Mates, It looks like we've been Shanghai'd."

Wolfe coughed roughly before agreeing "Too right, brother." Two doors of the drop pod hissed open and Jax and Wolfe stumbled out. As they looked over, Tybalt and Garvel fell out of the pod next to them, clearly unused to the roughness of a combat drop.

The room that the drop pod had wedged itself in had only one door, covered by a sheet

that loosely hung in the frame. On the floors were more sheets that were clearly

in use as beds, with rocks being used as a form of pillow. Whoever lived here

was very poor.

"Where the sod are we? and Who the Sod are you two?" Garvel demanded.

"Jax" Jax answered, followed by Wolfe, "And Wolfe Arkana, III Vatarian Legion. Who the hell are you?"

Tybalt scoffed. "Tybalt Arl, Blade for hire. This is Garvel Ramirez." The

Psyker simply nodded at them.

"Well Tybalt." Jax said, "There are men trapped in this drop pod. It's wedged

into ferrocrete."

Garvel spoke up "There is combat going on nearby. I suggest if we are to help

them we make haste."

The group stood and listened. Sounds of Autoguns and Lasguns trading fire

echoed into the room. The occasional battle cannon would explode followed by

smaller sub explosions.

"There is only one thing we can do." Jax said as he surveyed the drop pod. "We have to put them out of their misery. Anyone have any grenades?" No one spoke up.

"Alright, lets see if we can rig it to explode then." He knelt at the pod's control console and began to pry into it with his knife. There was a bright flash as he was jolted back by electricty.

"Well" Garvel said after a short while "Looks like they're stuck in there."

"Looks like it" Jax agreed as he stood up and brushed himself off. He then leanred against the doorway and peeked outside.

They were in a room that connected to a catwalk. Far below there stood massive couldrons of bubbling magma. Just visible were figures that appeared to be in intense combat.

"Catwalk looks clear. Lets head out." He tore the sheet down that covered the doorway and put it on as a makeshift cloak, then proceeded to pull part of it up as a hood.

"What's that for?" Wolfe asked.

"Just in case. If anything happens we could use it as a tournicate, or paint it up as makeshift camoflauge. " Jax replied as he stepped onto the catwalk followed by the rest of the group.

To their left and right the catwalk continued onward.

"Which way?" Tybalt wondered aloud

"Let's let the Emperor decide." Jax replied and pulled a single throne from his belt and tossed it in the air.

It landed heads-up. "We go right."

As they proceeded down the catwalk, five men dressed in rags approached them carrying battle-axes. The two groups stood and stared at each other before one of the men shouted out "Blood for the blood god!"

"Wait wait wait wait wait!" Jax shouted, and the cultists stopped for a moment. "We're with you guys! Been up here hunting for those damn imperials! Blood for the blood god!"

The cultists talked among themselves for a moment before replying "Kill them! Skulls for the skull throne!"

"Well shit." Garvel stated, and raised his lascarbine to shoot at the oncoming attackers. He clipped one in the arm and made him flinch some. Tybalt opened fire with his snub pistol but the shot went wide. Jax fired his autogun at the oncoming attackers and a miracle happened. One of the rounds detonated a grenade that was on the belt of one of the cultists. Four out of the five cultists were flayed into a red, gorey mess. The remainind cultist continued to charge forward, completely ignoring the fact that his comrades had fallen. Garvel fired at him again but the shot went wide, then proceeded to taunt the cultist mercilessly.

"Were you born this slow, or are you just that out of shape?"

The cultists growled a response and continued to charge him.

Tybalt was silent for a moment before lowering his trousers. He then began to flop his junk around while shouting "Helicopter!"

(After a brief game derailment regarding whether or not we are allowed to helicopter the cultists, it was concluded that it would take a full turn to do.)

The cultist skid to a halt and covered his eyes. Jax took the oppurtinity to stab his bayonette through through the jaw and up through the skull of the cultist. After using his boot to scrape the cultists off the bayonette, he chuckled.

Garvel joined in the chuckling. "Tybalt fucked with his mind, You literally mind fucked him."

"Fitting death for a cultist." Wolfe added.

After continuing down the catwalk, the group came upon a staircase.

"Well gents'" Garvel began "It looks like we've quite a long walk down ahead of us."

Unbeknownst to the group, they were on the seventy sixth floor. They walked down seventy five flights of stairs to the bottom floor. Once at the bottom Jax, Garvel, and Tybalt all collapsed in a series of pants and gasps. "Fuck. Fuck. That was something awful." Wolfe could only throw up as he gasped for air.

"Never" Jax began to catch his breathe "Again."

As the group was still catching its breathe, a low rumbling filled the chamber and everything seemed to shake slightly.

"Oh no" Wolfe muttered

"No, no, no, no." Jax agreed

"What?" Garvel asked

As if one cue a Leman Russ Battle Tank rounded the corner and began firing battle cannon shells at them. Missing several which resulted in a few of the magma couldrons being cracked open.

"Just can't get a break, can we?" Jax shouted as they began to run back up the flights of stairs. Suddenly, a lascannon tore into the side of the leman russ and caused it to explode. The explosion fully knocked over one of the magma cauldrons, spilling its contents over all over the ground and melting the lower levels of the stairs.

"Well. That went well." Garvel stated.

"Mhmm." Tybalt agreed.

"You know, I used to work in these factory dregs as a lad. Every twelve floors is an access door to a freight elevator." Wolfe remebered.

"Yeah, thats right. We can get to a freight elevator and hitch a ride to the surface." Jax Agreed.

So they climbed up to the twelfth floor and began following the catwalk again.

"Wait!" Tybalt cried, startling the rest of the group. "There are people ahead!"

Jax raised his Autogun and crept along the catwalk. "Do you sense they are hostile?"

Tybalt was silent for a moment. "No, They seem... afraid."

As Jax, Wolfe, Garvel, And Tybalt crept up on the cowering dregs.

"Don't hurt us! By the Emperor, Don't hurt us!" One of them cried

"Relax" Jax said, and gave them some rations. "What planet are we on?"

The dreg looked confused. "We're on Vatar.. where else would we be?"

"Good. Still at home. What hive?" Jax asked

"Edgeer Hive" The dreg responded hesitantly

"What happened here" Garvel asked one of the dregs.

The dreg took a deep breathe before speaking. "We started the work day this morning just like every other day. About mid day as the lunch bell rang, half of the workers pulled rifles and weapons out and began gunning everyone down at random. It... it was awful! Everyone was screaming... a-and running! I saw my family killed by a mutant with a makeshift axe!" The dreg began sobbing uncontrollably.

"What happened to the XI Legion? They should be here restoring order." Jax asked

"They.. They were killed by dark figures with faces pale as ash, with ears as pointed as knives. They're dead, every single one is dead!" The dreg cried. "I can never forget what hell i've seen today!"

Jax Knelt down close to the dreg. "Do you require the Emperor's Benediction?"

"Oh please! I need the Emperor's help!" The dreg sobbed

"Kneel down in prayer. All of you."

The three dregs knelt down and began praying. Jax put an autogun round into each of their heads. He then knelt down and removed a pair of welding goggles with an Aquila stamped on the side. "Might come in handy. Lets get a move on."

As they continued to walk along the catwalk, it bent into a partially destroyed alcove and then out the other side. As Jax stepped into the alcove, A shot rang out and clipped him in the cheek. He fell back bleeding severely on the face, cursing all the while.

To Be Continued...

Happy Almost Thanksgiving!

My dearest Amerikanski bretheren, it is that time of year again where our family comes by in droves for little to no reason other than to eat your food. So as the fateful day draws near, our rituals of preparation have begun. Cooking, Cleaning, Cooking more, etc have become second nature. So for everyone, Amerikana or otherwise, Happy Thanksgiving! Happy Turkey Day! Happy Feasting day! As soon as all this over I will return to my attempts at learning Dark Heresy and watching Braveheart. Have a good Holiday, all!

Vatarian XII: Meet Lord Commissar Django

 Lord Commisar Django has always been a very strict individual. Rumor has it that even as a child, he would attempt to discipline other childen in the Schola Progenium where he was trained. As a discipline master, he is unrivaled within the Legion, and is feared among all the Companies as the fiercest Commissar possibly to ever live. He wears a angle long black trench coat with gold frogging, and has a signature carapace chest piece said to be made from the gold of all the bolt shells he's ever fired. He supposedly forged his own sword upon his promotion to lord commissar, using some technique taught to him by his mentor. The

blade cackles with energies from some power source deep within the blade itself. There is only one unofficial rule with him, one rule that no warnings are given until it is to late. The rule is, the D is Silent.

Arrakian Accord pt 6, Battle for Outpost Idaho

[After MUCH, MUCH, MUCH delay. I present to you: Arrakian Accord VI]



Segmentum Tempestus 999.M41

Harkonnen IV System; Planet Arrakia
 
Days on planet: 25

 Situation: Stable

From the diary of Major Carpenter: I'm going to kill that damned Inquisitor. "Guard duty combined with rest and relaxation" he says. Hah! Guard duty to this place is better suited for Catachans! This place is like a little piece of a death world! It's constantly humid, the trees and foliage here are so thick that you can't even get a vehicle through them. Hell, the only way we came in is by the weekly supply Valkyrie. To make matters worse, there are flying razorworms that have nested in a majority of the trees here. These little buggers are like the sand worms except instead of burrowing in sand, if disturbed they burrow into your skin. On top of that there is a poisonous fog that rolls in every morning and every evening, rending the air unbreathable without respiration equipment. We can't find the source of the fog, but it can only be assumed as something not very good.

 Oh, I forgot to mention one thing. There is a single road that leads out of the jungle, but we're at least an hour or so from any kind of reinforcements. Emperor preserve us if we are attacked.

It was a cool morning when Aelgafar stepped out of his quarters and onto the outpost grounds. He took a deep breathe from his respirator and stretched. "Sir, glad to see you're up and recovering." Rielly had snuck up beside him holding a datapad and adjusting his uniform. Carpenter cleared his throat for a reply. "Good Morning, Sergeant. How goes the men's R and R?"
Rielly gave Aelgafar a look. "Sir, You're kidding, right? This place is some sort of awful."
"Heh. Yeah, I know. Reminds me of back home on Vatar." Aelgafar looked towards the sky. It was a hazy yellow morning, but the sun could not clearly be seen due to the poisonous haze that covered the outpost.
"Sir, if you don't mind my asking, which Hive are you from on Vatar?"
Aelgafar chuckled and began making a B line to the mess hall. "Not from a hive, sergeant. The closest hive was Throla, nearly a hundred miles away. I lived in the Agri-plains with my wife and son."
Rielly was shocked. "You were married sir?"
Aelgafar nodded. "Yeah. I was. They were both killed several, several years ago when the insurrection burned down my family home. That's when I decided to enlist in the Legion."
"Ah, I see." Rielly paused for a moment. "I'm sorry for bringing it up, sir."
"No worries Rielly. It was long ago."

They entered the mess hall and removed their respirators. There was only a few guardsmen up this early, and they quickly stood to attention as Carpenter walked in.
"Officer on the deck!"
Carpenter waved them down. "As you were. Continue eating."
They sat down as Carpenter and Rielly took a trays of food from a nearby serving line and sat in a back corner of the mess hall. Aelgafar began to rub his gut.
"Are you alright, sir?"
"Yeah Rielly, just still getting used to bionics. Truthfully it feels like I've got an itch I just can't reach."
Rielly nodded. "I've heard of that. It has something to do with your nerves firing off and trying to reach the missing parts. Very biologically confusing."
Carpenter began to eat his food bite by bite.
Rielly started to eat as well, but stopped mid bite. "Look sharp sir, here come Captain Uylesses."
Uylesses sat down almost right after and began to dig into his food.
He talked between bites to Rielly and Aelgafar. "Morning Aelgafar, Morning Rielly."
Rielly spoke as Carpenter continued to eat and only waved as acknowledgement. "Good morning sir, How are you doing?"
"Three of my troopers are out for respirators not working properly. Two of them are expected to make it, but the third is not looking good. Another big problem is the damned RAZORBEES."

Aelgafar looked up from his meal. "Why put emphasis on the razorbees?"

Uylesses looked livid. "Because I HATE those damned RAZORBEES. Have you been attacked by one yet?"

Carpenter shook his head

"Well Aelgafar, it hurts. I'm not talking a little pain, I'm talking like i'd prefer to be shot by a lasgun."

"We could maybe arrange that if you'd like?"

Uylesses simply glared at him before resuming his meal.

They were still eating when the alarm sounded. All the guardsmen in the mess hall shot up and darted out. A patrol of guardsmen had come back several men short, and the survivors were badly wounded. Carpenter approached the sergeant who quickly saluted.
"Sergeant, what happened here?'
"Its the Black Legion sir, they're here."
"Alright, take care of your men. The rest of you to defensive stations!"

The Imperials scrambled to the ramparts that surrounded the small outpost. There was a sharp crack as suddenly three full squads of Steel Nightmare space marines teleported to the middle of the outpost. Their leader, Chapter Master McCormick quickly approached Major Carpenter.
"Major, I am here to assist in the defense of this Outpost. If it falls, we lose a major staging ground for future operations in this region."
"Thank you for the help, McCormick. If you could station your men along the southern wall that would greatly balance out from the lack of turrets."
"Very well, I have sent two squads to the south, as well as a third to the northern pass."
"Thank you sir."
"Also Major, we will have more allies in this battle yet. Keep clear the eastern approach and they will be here within a few moments."

As if on cue there was a flash, followed by the appearance of Eldar Warriors. Their Farseer was silent as she climbed the ramparts on the southern wall."

"Well damn, I guess we got reinforced." Rielly said over the micro vox. "We'll need all the help we can get, sir."
"Why's that Rielly?"
"Come up to the tower."

They were surrounded. From the south a group of Khornate Beserkers were charging. From the North, A group of Chaotic Cultists. From the east and west, Several units of Traitor Marines. "Here they come! Open fire!"
The guardsmen on all sides began to unleash volley after volley of lasgun fire. The Astartes and Eldar held their fire patiently, waiting for the right moment to strike.

Like ghosts the Traitor marines came from the morning fog. They silently raised their bolters and began to cut into the guardsmen. Men fell left and right as the bolt rounds exploded all

around the imperial positions. Without hesitation the Eldar returned fire against the traitors. Out of nowhere, a squad of corrupted terminators unleashed lethal volleys of storm bolter fire against the weak Eldar armour. The Farseer, seeing that the line was threatening to collapse drove the Terminator's minds into a fray. They turned on each other and destroyed themselves. Seeing this precious advantage, Major Carpenter ordered his men to stand and fire with their First and Second rank drill. As the western flank began strengthen, Both the Astartes and the guardsmen to the south were butchered by Khornate Beserkers. "Damn them! Fight for all you're worth soldiers!" Carpenter lept from his position high on the battlements and took position along the southern road. "To me men! Prepare to beat back the enemy!" A handful of guardsmen rallied behind him as he began to fire at the rapidly approaching Beserkers.

 

      On the other side of the battlefield, Chapter Master McCormick was single-handedly cutting a bloody swath through the ranks of cultists. As he stood among the gore that was the enemy formation, a long figure in power armour approached him. The two warriors stood silent as they looked each other over. The figure raised a power sword of unknown make as a challenge to McCormick.

 The chapter master raised his two chainswords in return and revved their adamentium teeth. A thunderous clap filled the air as the two swordsmen collided, striking each other with a strength that would break lesser men. Then McCormick struck a lucky blow, severing the other warrior's arm at the elbow. As he stood over his defeated rival, he raised his chain swords and brought them down upon the man's head.  The battle for the north wall was over, but the rest of the outpost was still raging on.




At the southern approach, Major carpenter was leading his men in a charge against the Khornate Beserkers. "Steel yourselves for battle! We must stop them from taking the outpost!" He and a few handful charged like men possessed against the Beserkers, striking a few of the devils down in the process.

 As his guardsmen fell around him, Carpenter managed to fight his way to the centre of the Khornate formation. There stood a chaos champion, red plume hanging proudly from his helmet. He rushed at Carpenter with a bloodthirsty roar. Carpenter was barely able to parry him using his power sword. The Champion raised his power fist and brought it down upon Carpenter's power sword. There was a crack of lightning as the sword snapped from the superior strength of the power fist. Carpenter panicked as he realized just how bad of a situation he was in. He made one last desperate jab at the Champion with the broken hilt of the sword. The last thing he felt was the blade pierce the Champion's power armour. Then, with a thunderous bang, the world went black.

The mob of Khornate Beserkers had been annihilated. From the southern road that led to the outpost, a column of Leman Russ tanks had appeared. "Sorry we're late, boys." A voice emitted from the lead tank, "Got held up about a mile back by some pesky cultists."
Chapter master McCormick vox'd the tank back. "Identify yourself"
"Knight Commander Thomas Venture of the 180th Mantaeus Regiment. Got your distress Signal and sallied up to reinforce you."
McCormick chuckled. "Glad to have the help, Commander Venture."